The Return of Graeme's Silly Bet

After months of sporadic posting I am back to post a stupid bet the day before for the first time in ages.
Agreeing with Shifty's last post, this season has been far harder to predict. Personally, I have only broken even and that is purely down to laying matches at huge potential risk to my bank balance.
On a positive note, this season has seen the rise of the mighty Ross County as exemplified by a mention on the Guardian Football Weekly podcast (32:30 minutes in).
So let's take stock. The Premier League, which teams are going down, and in what order are the top teams going to be found come May?
After at least half an hour looking at the relevant fixtures this evening on the BBC Sport website I can say with real confidence that Portsmouth are going to be relegated. I really hope that muppet with the bell finds something else to do with himself if his team have to sell their ground to make way for a new car park or Tesco.
However, every other place in the division is up for grabs. Relegation it seems is going to claim 2 out of Hull, Burnley and West Ham, big cheers for Mick McCarthy (Shifty's tip for the next Celtic manager) for showing how practice can make perfect in how to keep a newly promoted side up. Well done Wolves, you are nearly there.
To win the title however, and indeed the top 8, it is much harder to call the final line up. So here goes:
1. Manchester United (only if Rooney stays healthy)
2. Arsenal
3. Chelsea
4. Everton (what am I thinking, but they have the easiest run in)
5. Tottenham
6. Liverpool
7. Manchester City
8. Aston Villa

In other leagues, specifically the Irn Bru First Division, if the mighty County can beat Dundee at home and ICT Scum midweek the club are in pole position to win the league. This is unbelievable. I, like most other Ross County fans, am positively creaming my pants over this whole scenario.
The third league being looked at is possibly the most interesting. The Irn Bru EPL, run courtesy of the Premier League, is my fantasy football league and the race for 4th place is between Shifty and Graeme's sides as we enter the final phase of the season. Anyone can still join, just go to fantasy.premierleague.com and the code for my league is 498115-112179.
Silly tip for Saturday? Hearts and Kilmarnock double. £5 on, and who cares about the odds. It would be funny for the Old Firm to both lose twice in a row

England Squad Selector: Graeme's Selection

In a pleasantly surprising display of forward planning, Graeme has submitted his selection for the blog's England Squad Selector competition. Here it is:

James, Hart, Green
Terry, Ferdinand, Upson, Ashley Cole (to be replaced by Baines if he doesn't make it), Bridge, Johnson, Lescott, Brown
Gerrard, Lampard, Carrick, Joe Cole, Milner, Downing, Barry, Ashley Young
Rooney, Carlton Cole, Heskey, Agbonlahor

Hmm...So Graeme Capello leaves out Beckham and Defoe. The rest of you, get your selection to me for Friday, and then we'll open up the piggy bank and see if we can afford a prize

Well-Organised Graeme's Silly Bet

Weekend Betting:

Arsenal to draw with Sunderland
Chelsea to beat Wolves
West Ham to beat Hull
Derby to beat Swansea
Celtic to beat Dundee United
Inverness to beat Queen of the South
Stirling to beat Brechin

Odds: 154/1 with William Hill

Graeme's Silly Bet for Saturday 13th February

Just a quick one tonight as I am stuck up at the university trying to write my dissertation

However, upon leaving this morning I managed to place myself a cheeky little number for Saturday. Surprised at how good the return will be if it comes up as well

Here goes:

Chelsea to beat Cardiff
Newcastle to beat Swansea
Celtic to beat an understrength Aberdeen
Dundee to beat Ayr
Partick to beat Airdrie
Stirling to bounce back away to Dumbarton
Queens Park to beat Montrose

£5 pays out £287.12

Here is hoping..

Graeme's Silly Bet, ken

JT gets pumped!

Just when I have nearly finalised my mental predictions for the England World Cup Squad (we'll do a feature on that sometime soon- Ed) that prick John Terry goes and bollocks it all up. He has possibly jeopardised his place in the squad by shafting his team-mate's ex-wife. She isn't even that fit, hilariously old, or a popstar. Idiot. (Graeme had posted a link, but it was from the Daily Mail website, and I didn't want readers' PCs getting infected with bigotry, royalty-bumming and out-of-touch viruses- Ed)

So get your money on Beckham to be restored as England captain for the World Cup.

On to the weekend's football

One general rule this weekend is not to touch Liverpool. I can't believe how predictably bad they continue to be. Failure to win this weekend will mean a confirmed end of season exit for Benitez and roflcoptering all over Manchester

Two value bets that I reckon could be worth a punt are Hamilton to beat Celtic @ 6/1 and Peterborough to beat Palace away @ 4/1, both William Hill. Celtic this season are statistically worse than when John Barnes was in charge and Palace have gone into off-field turmoil so who knows how their players will react on the pitch. Both teams will win nothing this season.

In the big Sunday match, Arsenal v Man United, put some cash on Sol Campbell being sent off for being far too old and slow (although Craig Brewster is 7 years older. I have no idea why I thought of Brewster when writing about Sol Campbell- I can't think of anything that connects them- Ed). But a 2-1 home win for Arsenal, with United being without guest Guardian editor Rio Ferdinand.

Finally, all readers look out for the massive First Division clash between Dundee and Ross County on Saturday, a game that Shifty will be attending. If the Staggies win, they will be 6 points off the top, 3 games in hand. SPL here we come. Also look out to see how much coverage the Sunday papers give to this match as they seem to have been ignoring the current 2nd-placed team so far

Graeme's Hastily Scribbled Down Silly Bet

Here's this weekend's musings (which eventually reached editor-in-chief via Graeme's phone, after he originally emailed it to the wrong address):

Quick post today as I am writing this at work. Here is the accumulator that we will be putting on. £2 each, everyone picks 1 team- last weekend it paid off and we won over £200 between us

VIlla to beat Brighton (1/6 with William Hill)
Southend to beat Wycombe (4/5 with Betfred)
Yeovil to beat Exeter (5/4 with Paddy Power)
Hearts to beat Rangers (8/1 with expekt.com)
Partick to beat Dunfermline (my own pick) (11/10 with expekt.com)

This should tide us over until midweek when I am going to do a silly bet special on the United city semi-final (a game that Shifty shall be attending. Stretford End Tier 2)

TTFN

Graeme's Real Life Stupid Bet

This week I have taken a dual approach to gambling.

One pound, 2 bets, one considered, one retarded

So if you want to join me get down to the accumulator section at William Hill and fill out the following:

1. The Sensible Approach
It's a 50p treble on 3 draws in the following Premier League matches:
Stoke, Portsmouth and Wolves all to draw
50p wins £17.86

2. The Retarded Approach
It's a 50p accumulator on 9 teams chosen at random without any clear or concise thought:
Man Utd, Celtic, Swindon, Livingston, Walsall, Stockport, Millwall, Accrington Stanley and MK Dons to all win
50p pays out £138.37

Have fun gambling over the weekend and join me and Shifty in Nicky Tams on Friday night to buy him beers for his birthday

Graeme's Silly Bet for Saturday 9th January

It's 2010, it's cold, I lost all my money on festive poker, it's time to start silly gambling again...

Quick post here tonight, got to meet chief editor to procrastinate over new blog features and discourse about gin. The shortness of this post is also compounded by my laptop's shit battery and the limited nature of this weekend's round of matches which have mostly been postponed to prevent lawsuits against wary clubs.

Thus,
Arsenal to beat Everton. If the Gunners continue their good run through January and catch the weakened Chelsea I believe they will surprisingly win the title. Go Arshavin

Birmingham to grab a smart draw with United. Another post Ferguson candidate keen to further obliterate United's title chances and possibly go equal 7th in the table. A remarkable run for Birmingham who on the past 8 results would be top of the table.

Cardiff to beat Blackpool and get their promotion push back on track.
St Mirren to beat a classy Alloa side in the Government sponsored Scottish Cup.

5 quid on a super quadruple. Although by 12pm Saturday, who knows if all these games will still be on.

Cheeky punt on Togo (or not Togo- Ed) for the Nations Cup?

Will there be any controversial handballs this weekend? It's a Given

Here's this week's edition of Graeme's Silly Bet:

The 1987 Crystal Light National Aerobic Champioship Team Competition: The San Francisco Bay Club
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeMJOPlK-0E

After the midweek excitement of the play-offs which had it all, handball controversy, Shay Given going mental and Russia getting bundled out, it's back to normal league action this weekend.

Post-international games tend to throw up problems for the more multi-cultured clubs. For example, how are Arsenal going to cope without placenta-drench Robin van Persie leading the line for a few weeks. You could say his ankle is a big bloody mess. Arsenal cannot be happy with Giorgio Chiellini's ligament busting challenge.

This weekend has thrown up some interesting match-ups, onwards with the bets:

Sunderland v Arsenal
Steve Bruce will continue to highlight his growing reputation in management circles with a stonking 2-0 victory over what, some believe, will be his future club

Sunderland to win 5/1 @ Paddy Power

Liverpool v Man City
AT the beginning of the season there were a few mentals who thought that this would be a top of the table clash. Instead, Hughes and Benitez have managed to make some crazy signing decisions to determine the contrary. This Saturday's 4th spot decider looks set to see Aquilani make his first start in the league for his new club with Johnson and Gerrard on the bench, therefore I think City will lose this late in the game by 2 goals to 1

Liverpool to win 2-1, 13/2 @ William Hill

Dundee v ICT
I hate Caley, Sean Higgins FTW!

Sean Higgins 1st goalscorer, no odds up yet

On a side note, check out this comic blog drawn by two guys from Alness with nothing better to do with their time
http://www.drawnbydrunks.co.uk

Graeme belongs to James Richardson

Graeme's well-prepared for this weekend's action. Enjoy

After last week's accumulator that I never wrote up and nearly won £19K on, your intrepid stupid bet evoking columnist is getting his act together for this week's round of matches.
Once again we have a weekend of international silly punt madness to peruse over so here are some ill-thought out tips:

• Bahrain to score 1st away to New Zealand, with Nigerian-born Jaycee John Okuwanne providing the firepower upfront. He is good at scoring important headers, ken' which put them into the playoffs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1nMBPPum-M&feature=related 3 minutes in
• Ireland to beat France. Croke Park, bitching atmosphere and Raymond Domenech will all combine to secure a 1-0 victory for the Guinness drinkers. France to win on aggregate though. Glorious failure is the rule for Celtic teams
• Uruguay to beat Costa Rica. Forlan is ace
• Brazil to pump a highly-overrated England. Glen Johnson is the weak link and he has silly hair

Rugby Union Special:

Scotland v Fiji

In the words of Jim Mason, "New coach, new team, new challenge"

These two sides haven't met since the 2003 Rugby World Cup where Scotland only prevailed by a two point margin. Over the past 6 years both sides' fortunes have changed. Fiji are now a genuine top ten team while Scotland are managed by a failed English coach and sit behing Fiji in the world rankings. Scotland will win this one though, just. I predict a tight match with Scotland winning infront of a sparse crowd at Murrayfield by under 10 points.

Silly Graeme's Bet Here's

With Tottenham undergoing their traditional complete loss of form as the clocks go back, compounded by the suspicious team selections that have nothing to do with Harry seeking ever more funds this coming January (http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Harry_Redknapp ), we can expect to see a heavy defeat for Spurs in the early kick-off this Saturday.

Arsenal to win 3-1: 10/1 @ William Hill

Fortress Turf Moor!

Hull and Brown to sink- 1-0 Burnley

Weekend Accumulator:

Chelsea to win

Sunderland to win

Stoke Wolves Draw

Fulham Torres Draw

30/1 @ William Hill

Can't get that 99 Red Balloons song out of me head

Here's this week's edition of Graeme's Silly Bet:

Saturday Accumulator:

Wolves v Villa- Draw
Burnley v Wigan- Home Win
Coventry v West Brom- Home Win
Crystal Palace v Forest- Home Win (Forest will not get 6 wins in a row)
Queen of the South v Airdrie- Home Win

Ladbrokes accumulator odds: 65/1

Sunday Accumulator:

Liverpool v Man Utd- Home Win
Man City v Fulham- Home Win
West Ham v Arsenal- Away Win

6/1 @ William Hill

Liverpool v Man Utd:
1st goalscorer, Yossi Benayoun @ 8/1, William Hill
1st card to Man Utd @ 8/11, William Hill

xxxxxxxxxx

Graeme brings you gambling tips...

....So you don't have to get them yourself. Here's Graeme's Silly Bet for the weekend:

International Madness

7 game (well, 6 game and a pigeon shoot in Paris- Ed) coupon:

The odds for these matches will vary so shop around on your coupon (I really should get some advertising deals for odds checker websites- Ed) but international weekend traditionally means ill-informed punts.

Always assume the diddy teams will lose and Italy to win.

Here we go:

Portugal to beat Hungary
Serbia to beat Romania
Turkey to beat Belgium
France to beat the Faroe Islands
Russia to beat Germany
Switzerland to beat Luxembourg
Italy to beat Ireland

All blog readers invited to Danny's house tomorrow (Saturday) morning at 11 for the Scotland match. He has a big TV and tea making facilities

You're the man, eh?

Here's Graeme's Silly Bet for the weekend:

It's Fifa 10 Friday so been slow in getting the post out.

No pumping occurred for Rangers last week, made me look foolish and silly. Still, I think Aberdeen are a really poor side and fully expect Kilmarnock to cause them problems. Tasty low scoring draw methinks.

1-1 draw available at 5/1 wth William Hill

Hawick to lose is a bet I wouldn't touch at the moment for fear of police investigation

OLD FIRM MADNESS!!!!

Ranger are still abject, mind you so are Celtic
3-0 Celtic available at 28/1 with William Hill

Premiership: Man Utd v Sunderland (Shifty will be attending this game. K Stand Tier 2)
Any goal scored in injury time, 15/4. Amidst the recent controversy (what controversy? Ed) could be worth a fateful cheeky punt

Good luck over the weekend, whatever market you bet in
xxxxxxx

Graeme is surprisingly well organised

Here's Graeme's Silly Bet for the weekend:

Hi all,

Aberdeen are due a pumping. Cue Rangers

Penalty awarded and scored, 3/1 @ William Hill
Boyd to score more than 2 goals, 11/2 @ William Hill

In other action this coming week another hilariously inept punt could come in the form of Man City going off the boil big time in their Monday night clash against West Ham

As Shifty hinted last week, West Ham's improved strike force (Alessandro Diamanti was rumoured to be at the Chelsea training ground today, showing John Terry how to take a penalty- Ed) are capable of causing an upset against the (slightly) bigger guys. City are not a happy ship at the moment. Problems such as a lack of discipline, an extremely loose defence (I would love to include the Rhona Jappy-based line and Youtube link Graeme sent me in his original draft, but for legal reasons I must not- Ed) and the potential abscence of Tevez (who?Ed), David Bellamy, Santa Claus, Robinho and Adebayor could cause Mark Hughes to suffer an almighty case of mental fucknuggetry on the touchline, and hopefully follow his team's example and actually smack a ballboy.

In other words, West Ham might just fancy their chances

Away win for West Ham, 7/1 @ William Hill

(game being shown in Number 2 Baker Street, so see y'all there guys)

Here's that new feature I was on about

Shifty's Last Word is delighted to confirm the arrival to the blog of our new columnist, Graeme. Representatives from The Ross-Shire Journal, The Turriff Advertiser and la Gazzetta Della Sport gathered at a press conference this morning, where it was confirmed that Graeme will write a weekly column entitled "Graeme's Silly Bet".

Graeme

Here's Graeme's musings for this weekend:

Thought I'd let my first post be Scotland-orientated;

1) The Old Firm notoriously struggle to perform after their midweek European excursions so this weekend, after Celtic's shambolic 2nd half display in Tel Aviv in which they seemed to wilt in the heat in Israel, the last thing Mowbray's men want to face is a resurgent Hearts side well pumped after their first victory in the league against Kilmarnock last Tuesday.

Silly prediction: Celtic to slip up again with a half-time/full-time bet of a Celtic/draw. 23/1 at Betfair

2) Coupon of the week:

I'm getting into the Scottish lower tiers this year and after seeing Stirling Albion last weekend myself, and the man who burnt £40 infront of the beggars, I can safely say that the Albion boys are awesome going forward on the pitch despite their deep financial problems off it.

That said, Alloa were equally strong and well organised at the back with impressive young goalkeeper David Crawford leading the way.

I also dislike Caley and Airdrie with equal venom so want to see them drawing, leading to relegation for these disgusting shams of teams and managers.

Silly treble of:

Alloa to beat Stenhousemuir @ 11/10

Airdrie to snatch a point with Caley @12/5

Stirling Albion to beat East Fife @ 4/6

If placed at WIlliam Hill £1 gets you £11.90

Cheers and see you next week

xxxxxxxxxxxx