Aye, It Is

 Are we stalling this somewhat ahead of a trip to one of the remaining away days whose ranking we're somewhat uncertain of on Saturday? Maybe

We're through the real dreck of the away day pantheon, but not yet into the Alec Guinness trips. Several of these would be considered.....fine

19th: Motherwell
We start with one such trip. To give the reader a small peek behind the curtain, the away days were all given a loose RAG (red, amber green) ranking for the 3 parameters discussed at the outset. Somewhat appropriately given their club colours, Fir Park was rated Amber for all 3. Motherwell station and the town centre bars are walkable (Airbles is closer although less well served), although take care to allow a few minutes extra when walking to the ground as the entrance to the proportionately gargantuan away end is situated some way from the main entrance and social club

18th: Falkirk
The stadium itself (well, 3 sides of it) is extremely well-equipped. The sizeable drawback here is its location, technically in Grangemouth and a good 30 minute walk from both Grahamston station (the lesser served of the town's 2 main halts) and the town centre pubs. A doff of the cap here, though, to the Behind The Wall pub which runs a complimentary bus for patrons from their bar (just up from Grahamston station) to the Falkirk Stadium in Grangemouth

17th: Morton
Now as much as this section is dominated by "middle of the road" away days (a perhaps ironic sentiment given how many are suburban new builds), Cappielow absolutely does not fall into this category. The stadium itself is gloriously old-school if very much showing its age- there's minimal leg room in the covered seating area away fans typically occupy, with uncovered benches (no, really) as the overspill for larger supports. The ground scores fairly well for transport, with Cartsdyke the nearest of Greenock's 7 (SEVEN) train stations less than 5 minutes walk away, while the Norseman pub adjacent to the ground is...um...a sight to behold

16th: Elgin City
It's quite the trek to get there, however once you do it's a pleasant enough away day. There's a decent social club at the ground once you've made your way through the town centre bars on the way up from the station, and parking yourself on the grass banking behind the goal is always pleasant during the 3 days of the summer climatic conditions permit- there's a somewhat basic covered terrace down one side for the other 362

15th: Hamilton/Clyde
Something of a creeper up the rankings. It's almost certainly nobody's favourite, however on the aforementioned criteria it actually holds up quite well. Hamilton West station is just a few minutes walk away, there's a handful of perfectly cromulent pubs within easy reach (along with a function room at the stadium that doubles up as a bar/fanzone on matchdays) and while the stadium catering leaves much to be desired, the elevated away end is a pleasant feature that allows for a better view of the game- it's a feature I'd personally like to see more of

14th: Dumbarton
Another box-ticker that's basically fine. The away "end" (i.e. the blocks at one side of the stand allocated) is decent enough, the stadium itself is walkable from both of Dumbarton's train stations (East is the closer of the 2) and the Stag's Head bar across the road from Dumbarton East is nothing fancy but has everything you need from a decent away day watering hole

"You ask me 'Oh God, why?'
'Cause I'm God, that's fucking why!"

Bake Him Away, Toys

 We ride the lightning into part 2 of the Away Day Power Rankings, with a nod to a (for now) polarising departed trip

27th: Dundee United
As promised in part 1, it didn't feel correct to have a gap of any significance between the 2 Dundee trips. Essentially everything that applies to Dens Park in terms of pubs and transport also applies here, with Tannadice gaining the merest edge thanks to the usual away (Jerry Kerr)stand on one side having better facilities (if somewhat narrow concourses) than the run-down main stand at Dens (although the "Shed" behind the goal, which is used for larger supports, is very much showing its age)

26th: St Johnstone
It's just rather dull, really. No complaints about the stadium itself (ample room on the concourses, a technicolour dreamcoat of a seating area and a fairly basic bar under the main stand), however its location leaves a lot to be desired if you're not merely swinging off the A9- it'll take you the best part of an hour to walk from the (well-served by intercity services) train station if you're not willing or able to hail a taxi or sample a local Stagecoach service. Aside from said stadium bar, there's nothing to write home about in terms of pubs either- with the 208 having sadly gone through the big property development gates in the sky, the city centre represents your only real options

25th: Aberdeen
The big drag here (aside from the time it takes to get there) is the away end itself, which is frankly decrepit and interminably cold- not entirely sure which bright spark decided a stand exposed to the North Sea (a hearty swing of a 9 iron away) didn't need to be built with a windshield. Pittodrie is just about walking distance from the train station (although plentiful buses go along King Street if required) and the city centre pubs- there's a healthy smattering of traditional pubs in the side streets around the stadium too. While the planned new stadium at the beach front very much falls into the I'll Believe It When I See It category, as long as it comes with an at least adequate away end, Aberdeen should quite easily move some way up these rankings. In around 2056

24th: Bonnyrigg Rose Athletic
The newest addition to the SPFL, and by some distance the most old-school. While some work has been done on it this season (including the installation of 100 seats, bringing the seated capacity to, er, 100), it's still largely somewhat "rustic" in nature, and one to ponder for those celebrating the departure of Central Park from the SPFL. There is a social club at the ground and with the ground being slap bang in the town centre there are a few nearby alternatives for a pre-match beverage. Bonnyrigg itself, however, is something of a ballache to get to. Allow a full hour for a bus from the centre of Edinburgh to get you there, while the only train option is Eskbank, a fair walk away on the infrequently-served Borders railway

23rd: St Mirren
In terms of train station location, this is pretty much the gold standard, with Paisley St James being just across the road from the away entrance (although to be hyper-critical, it's typically only served half-hourly). Like the rest of the newer build stadia, the away end itself is perfectly fine if featureless. The letdown here is the lack of pubs nearby- a 15 minute walk from the stadium will take you into Paisley town centre for a pint, an option if the sentence fragment "Paisley town centre for a pint" doesn't send a shiver down your spine

22nd: Stirling Albion
Does 1993 still count as "new build"? It's naturally a tidy enough stadium (larger supports should get the option of one of the terraces behind the goals), however its location is something of a limiting factor. The nearby retail park has a Brewers Fayre type setup, however that's really the only option once you've made the 20-25 minute walk from the city centre (which does have a fine selection of hostelries). Stirling is well-connected by train, however you've still either got that walk to contend with, or will need to jump on a bus/taxi

21st: Kelty Hearts
The "New" part of the New Central Park moniker is certainly appropriate, with much of the ground having been renovated recently. Away fans have the option of either a small, covered terrace down one side, or the uncovered end behind one of the goals which has recently seen some steps added. The "village team" stigma that Kelty have attracted is somewhat harsh but not exactly unfair- it's an away day not overburdened by choice in terms of pubs and transport links. No train station in the town is an immediate drag down the rankings- there is a bus link to Edinburgh which stops right outside the away end, however it's far from frequent, and the option of a train to Cowdenbeath before jumping on a local bus is not for the uninitiated. The King's Arms is the nearest and best (and perhaps only?) pub option

20th: Ayr United
Cognisant of the fact that I've perhaps got this one slightly lower down that others may do. The ground itself can best be described as "rustic"- larger away supports will find themselves allocated a decent-sized covered terrace behind a goal, while smaller ones will have to make do with a handful of seats in the stand and/or the paddock in front of it. The town centre is a 10 minute walk away, which represents your best option for a pre-match pint unless you're minded to brave (and "brave" really is the appropriate word choice here) the Wallace bar across the road from Newton-On-Ayr station, one of the 2 (Ayr station itself being in the town centre) that serve the town- frequent services will have you back in Glasgow in just under an hour#

We Hardly Knew Ye: Central Park, Cowdenbeath
Can I just shock you? I like Cowdenbeath as an away day
Bear with me here: yes, the ground is a complete eyesore, but it's a unique eyesore, with its hotch-potch of a "traditional" main stand, the "newer" rebuilt section, and the catch-fencing to facilitate the banger racing that often starts not long after the final whistle on a Saturday (indeed, the 2nd half of a typical 3pm Saturday game will often be punctuated by revving engines in the car park). It's not unheard of for the stewards to hurry you along post-match too, which helps put you back on the high street and its surprisingly wide selection of pubs by 5pm- Wee Jimmy's is but one of the fine establishments available to the discerning and less discerning drinker. The high street also features the train station, which is regularly served on the Fife "circle"

Stand by for part 3 sometime next week

THE SOUL IS NOT SO VIBRANT

Away Day Power Rankings

There's nothing like a good Scottish football away day (not even the resurrection of a blog long thought to be dormant? Ed). A ludicrously early start to a Saturday, a few cans on the train or bus, piling into a pub in a random outpost that may or may not be en route to the stadium you plan on attending. A brief interlude where you attend some sort of sporting contest usually (but not always) follows, before the journey home. But what makes a good away day? We all have our favourites, but how do we quantify what makes for a good away day? And once we quantify these, can we then rank them?

For the purposes of these articles, we'll focus on 3 key aspects to an away day:

Transportation
How easy is it to get there by public transport? We'll primarily focus on rail connectivity, seeing this category through the viewpoint of someone travelling the best way to an away day- with a few cans on the train (factoring in bus connections where necessary)

The away end itself
What are the facilities like for visiting supporters once one gets to the stadium?

Pubs nearby
Both in terms of quality and quantity, what are the options for the discerning visiting supporter who wishes to whet their whistle with a light ale prior to the game?

Will point out at this stage that I've yet to personally tick off Cove Rangers, Peterhead, East Fife, Forfar Athletic, Albion Rovers and Stranraer, so they'll be left out of these rankings at this stage- with Queens Park and Clyde currently groundsharing with Stenhousemuir and Hamilton Accies respectively, that leaves us with 34 trips to rank by the above criteria (although we may drop in an occasional mention for away days that have now departed the SPFL). Also, while we will make mention of certain pubs, this isn't intended to be an exhaustive, detailed list of every single hostelry within staggering distance of a stadium. So, without further adieu, let's get started!

And at the risk of making this list massively unpopular with elements of the Scottish football cognoscenti, at 34th (and therefore officially The Worst Away Day In Scottish Football)..

34th: Celtic
A truly dreadful experience for the away fan for several reasons, however we'll primarily focus on the criteria above rather that the fact you'll almost certainly get pumped. Transport links are subpar (it's really too far to walk from either of Glasgow's main hubs, and even the nearest suburban links are still a fair walk away), the away end is notoriously ill-equipped with its infamous pillars impeding your view and the pubs within the stadium's immediate radius... best avoided

33rd: Rangers
Pretty much all that puts Rangers "ahead" of Celtic here is the proximity to the Subway network, and the slightly better equipped away end. The overall experience for an away fan is just as unpleasant as at Parkhead. Hopefully that covers me against any accusations of bias, a coverage that I suspect I'm about to need...

32nd: Inverness Caledonian Thistle
Location-wise, a horrible place to watch football. Not exactly the easiest to get to from the city centre- a 20-25 minute walk (during which you'll have to cross the main A9. No, really) or a taxi are your only real options. The city centre is also your only shout for a pre-match alcoholic beverage (while there are plenty of perfectly cromulent options, none truly feel like authentic football pubs), and the "temporary" (erected in 2005) away end is poorly equipped, with all the refreshment facilities exposed some way along the unused west side of the stadium

31st: Dundee
As various LadBible type social media accounts like to periodically remind us, Dens Park sits on the very same street as Tannadice (SPOILER ALERT: expect to see Dundee United not very much further up this list). Location-wise, it's far from ideal- the hike (and given the gradient involved it really is a hike) from the city centre isn't fun, and when one eventually gets there the main stand (where smaller away supports are crammed into) is in a frankly shocking state of disrepair (larger away supports will generally get the more modern, better equipped stand behind one of the goals). The city centre does have some more appealing watering holes, with a smattering of them tucked into the surrounding streets- away fans would be best advised heading to "United" pubs when visiting Dens

30th: FC Edinburgh
I've a season ticket here, and even I can't bring myself to move Meadowbank Stadium further up this list. What Meadowbank does have is proximity to the city centre (the stadium sits on a main bus corridor- there's no shortage of buses that stop outside, and can be walked in 30-40 minutes from Waverley Station/Princes Street) and a healthy smattering of pubs nearby (the Bellfield brewery taproom is ideal for the sort of perfectly cromulent session IPAs that are a staple of a good away day), neither of which were really available at the previously rented Ainslie Park. What brings Meadowbank down in these rankings (and down by quite a bit) is the view of the game spectators are afforded from within the stadium. If you're part of a smaller away following, you'll likely be able to nab a seat in the 499 (no, really) seater stand. If so, it's worth adopting a maxim of mine that I've carried over from attending Fringe comedy show- avoid the front row at all costs (the stand is only 3 rows deep, and the rear 2 are the only ones that grant anything like an acceptable view of the game). The burger van is very decent, though

29th: Livingston
This one "achieves" the notable feat of being in a town with 2 railway stations, while managing to be nowhere near either one of them. Livingston North is the handier of the 2 in that it's served more frequently, however it's almost certainly still a "jump in a taxi" job. Keep that taxi number handy, as there's every chance you'll need it to help you find and get to and from a matchday pub worthy of the name, as the stadium footprint itself has nothing to offer on that front (the nearby shopping centre has a couple of chain restaurants that'll offer you something that attempts to offer a passable impersonation of a beer). The stadium itself is passable enough, if nothing to write home about

28th: Airdrie
Another newish stadium on the outskirts of town that serves a purpose without being anything special. A slightly easier one to reach from both Airdrie and Drumgelloch stations (although probably best give yourself half an hour for the walk to/from both), although with an extremely sparse landscape in terms of appealing-looking pubs (fans of Orange lodges will find their, ahem, "tastes" very well catered to, though)

We'll run through the next stanza in a few days

"Did something similar 2 years ago....magical....MAGICAL!!