Monday 17 September 2012

So Much to Blog About, So Little Time...

Evening, y'all

As the title suggests, I've plenty to write about here, yet Mother Time she is against me, so expect various smatterings of wholesome goodness from me.

How About Some Tips?
Let's start with some good old football betting tips. The UEFA Champions League returns this week, so it represents as good a place to start as any. The standout bet of the 1st round of fixtures has to be Arsenal (flying at the moment) to beat Montpellier (who have stumbled somewhat in Ligue 1 so far) at a general 5/4. Get on it quick, as that price could drop below evens by kick-off. Admittedly, aside from that game, there's not many bets from this week's fixtures that look like value- an accumulator featuring Dortmund, Barcelona, Braga, Paris Saint-Germain, Man Utd and Shakhtar Donetsk has a decent chance but won't make you a millionaire. Also, don't even think about backing misfiring AC Milan at home to Anderlecht. Looking at Champions League outrights, William Hill & Victor Chandler will both give you 10/1 on Manchester United claiming the trophy at Wembley next May, which looks a fantastic price.

Some More Tips
The Europa League kicks off again on Thursday, so let's have a gander at those fixtures and see what we can pick out. As ever with cup ties, it's often wise to wait until the team lines are announced before piling into certain teams- this is especially relevant when betting on English teams, who tend to rotate more in this competition, so for now we'll avoid backing any of the English teams. There look to be a few bankers out there- Napoli, Athletic Bilbao, Levante & Sporting CP should all win, but if you want a speculative punt go for Anzhi to beat Udinese at 9/5 with Stan James.

Charles Green. What's His Game?
This is more of a heads-up to a separate blog entry I'm working on, but I must admit to being confused as to what Charles Green's medium-term strategy at Rangers is. There's been chat recently that he intends to float the company which he launched this summer which now runs the club, however a quick consultation of my FSA handbook tells me that this is not possible- any company applying to be listed in the UK must have 3 years of financial statements that have been independently audited, a condition that Rangers obviously currently do not meet. Intriguingly, some media outlets (including the BBC & the Daily Record) both report that Ally McCoist currently owns 4.5% of the club. If true, then this would bar McCoist from any involvement with another Scottish team, or from any role within the SFA (e.g replacement for Craig Levein if/when he departs) as he would own greater than 3% of a member club.

Glazernomics
Last point from me this evening. Allow me to share with y'all a story I heard from a director at a top European club (I'll not name specifics to enable the source to retain anonymity). Apparently, United were interested in signing a player from them (a player I personally rate very highly indeed), however a deal could not be agreed. The sticking point was over the transfer fee, which United wanted to pay over 3 years (as has been commonplace under the Glazers), but the selling club wanted upfront (which was how United operated pre-Glazers). The selling club's concern was, and I quote "What happens if we allow United to pay over 3 years and then they go bust? We are left with no player and having to go to court to get paid". Witness also the current travails of Rapid Vienna, still chasing payment from the now-defunct Rangers for Nikica Jelavic

Going to Old Trafford? Do yourself a favour and shirk the official magazine & programme and instead furnish yourself with one (or more) of the excellent fanzines on offer outside the ground, United We Stand & Red Issue among them

Monday 3 September 2012

An Alternative Cabinet Reshuffle

So, David Cameron is set to announce a reshuffling of the ministers in his cabinet. Although, let's face it, now much is going to change, is it? A number of right-wing, Oxbridge-educated, middle-to-upper class, out-of-touch, neo-conservative little Englanders are going to be replaced with a different bunch of right-wing, Oxbridge-educated, middle-to-upper class, out-of-touch, neo-conservative little Englanders. So I propose to you, Dave, that you go with the following, to really rejig your government:

Chancellor of the Exchequer: Count von Count (replacing Gideon Osborne)


His well-documented love of counting things makes him the perfect man to replace Osborne- he's unlikely to be faze by such daunting tasks as tallying up the number of government functions that have erroneously outsourced to the private sector and how many school playing fields have been built over. He can surely also be trusted far more than Gideon to count (geddit?) how much tax he has to pay himself (for this reason, the currently unemployed Harry Redknapp must be ruled out of contention), and should also avoid the ignominy of being booed when presenting medals at the Paralympic games to the very people suffering the most under his cuts
 
Defence Secretary: Frankie Boyle (replacing Philip Hammond)
Two key facts here:
1. Britain has loads of cool shit for blowing people up currently going to waste in Iraq, Afghanistan & in numerous secrets bunkers, a few miles off the M27 near Southampton
2. None of you have ever heard of Philip Hammond
The appointment of Boyle as the man in charge of our weapons would eradicate both these problems (along with most of our enemies, whoever they are)
 
Culture Secretary: Mario Balotelli (replacing Jeremy Cun..er, Hunt)
The touting of this appointment does feel a bit awkward for this writer (regular readers will know that my affiliations lie with the other 3/4s of Manchester), but an "eccentric" individual such as Balotelli makes perfect sense as Culture Secretary. Just imagine the photo opportunities! Feeding the animals at Chester Zoo, parading a bizarre dress sense, promoting womens' prisons & helping boost fireworks sales that will get the economy going, both through the sales themselves & the resultant extra work for the emergency services