The Power Of A Seagull

[INSERT EXCUSE FOR INACTIVITY HERE]

Your intrepid correspondent is away on a stag do this weekend and, inspired by a blog entry from 2011 (check the archives) has been asked by those attending to write up a betting preview, featuring many of the runners, riders and typical stag do shenanigans that can be written about without serious risk of libel

THE HURLING BY THE HORN AWARD - to be awarded to the first person to throw up (the start of the stag do will be considered the bus departure from deepest darkest Aberdeenshire). The fireball start puts Duguid (the stag), Brucey and Danny at an immediate disadvantage, while Lee could be in a perilous position depending on which way his bus seat faces
Duguid 7/2, Danny 5/1, Brucey 11/2, Lee 6/1, Rory 10/1, Shifty 12/1, Jamie 16/1, Pud 20/1, the field 33/1

THE NATHAN PETERMAN AWARD - to be awarded to the person whose weekend performance is considered the most shambolic. Given the level of punishment he's in line for, the stag simply has to feature prominently in this one, while Mr Friday Night Kyle has to be careful not to peak too soon
Kyle 3/1, Duguid 4/1, Shifty 11/2, Stu 8/1, Lee 10/1, Rory 12/1, Brucey 12/1, Jamie 20/1, either Malcolm brother 28/1, the field 33/1

THE JEFFREY DE VISSCHER AWARD - to be awarded to the first person to commit a non-specific act of public relief. Based on (alleged) previous actions, there are really only 2 realistic contenders here:
G 7/4, Pud 7/4 the field 10/1

THE BUGSY BROWN AWARD - to be awarded to the first person during the inevitable gentleman's club visit to take a dancer into a private booth
Brucey 6/4, Kyle 4/1, Lee 8/1, Jamie 12/1, Stu 16/1, Rory 20/1, Duguid 25/1, Shifty 40/1, the field 50/1

THE FRANK DREBIN AWARD FOR POTENTIAL ARREST - hat tip to my boy Brucey for supplying some background here. While obviously everyone hopes for some well-behaved, good, clean fun this weekend, this "award" is on the off-chance anyone manages to find themselves on the wrong side of the law. I've been told "Dave has fire-starting tendencies, Ryan is potentially a KGB spy and Lee is an outlaw who makes his own rules", while Pud in a bar called Blackie Boy is just asking for trouble
Any member to be arrested 20/1

THE TED DIBIASE AWARD - to be awarded to the person who has the most profitable day at the Fighting Fifth race day at Newcastle on Saturday. Like many of the races, this one is wide open. Keen students of the form of the fillies G and Shifty will fancy their chances of witnessing some strong rides, while a big-priced outsider could easily come away with a result
G 5/1, Shifty 6/1, Brucey 13/2, Pud 8/1, Duguid 9/1, Kyle 11/1, Danny 12/1, Lee 14/1, Rory 20/1, Jamie 25/1, the field 33/1

THE FRANK MCAVENNIE AWARD - to be awarded to any of the Dons fans planning an early departure on Sunday morning in order to make it to Hampden failing to make it
Any of the members planning it failing to make it 7/2

THE TONY STARK AWARD - to be awarded to the general Man of Steel of the weekend
G 4/1, Jamie 9/2, Danny 5/1, Pud 11/2, Rory 8/1, Doug 10/1, Stokesy 11/1, Shifty 12/1, Lee 14/1, Brucey 20/1, Stu 25/1, the field 33/1, Duguid 5000/1

Some sort of follow-up may or may not follow next week